Self sabotage is often talked about as if it’s something outside of our control. Patterns like procrastination, distraction, giving up too early, delaying starting are all seen as self sabotaging behaviour.

Patterns like these are sometimes portrayed as quite complex; and they can be. The person displaying them often gets frustrated and disappointed in themselves. And the rabbit hole feels too deep to be able to climb out of alone.

At times like this the support of a coach can be priceless. If you are at that point, I would encourage you to find a good coach to work with. But there is something very simple you could work with now. That when utilised begins to address what can be a complex issue.

Our language influences our patterns of behaviour and in turn our life experiences. The words we use can either cause us to self sabotage or support us to live our best life.

Language and the types of words we use are one of the ways we filter how we see, hear and feel situations. It affects our view of reality. And if we have a limiting view of reality then our potential for living the life of our dreams is also limited. All of course influenced by the way we behave.

There are two words in particular, that can cause us to self sabotage

The words “I can’t” is like a stop sign. It gives no options and stops you seeing your own potential. This limiting phrase also stops you from giving new things a go too. Which you must do if you want to live your dreams.

If you tell yourself or someone else that you can’t your unconscious mind will obey. Because that is where all your self sabotaging patterns lie. It also makes you feel incredibly disempowered because it presupposes that you have no control.

Doing a word or phrase swap is a very simple change you can make that will have a positive influence. Because there is no such thing as can’t. You either choose to or choose not to. And what you don’t already know you can learn. Plus there is always a way.

So the simple swap out is a reframe to “I choose to” or “I choose not to”. With the use of either of these two phrases you feel more in control. It helps you take responsibility.

The word “Try” may sound hopeful but it can keep us stuck

This is another one that encourages self sabotage because it has no commitment associated with it. The truth is you either do or you do not. There is no such thing as try where action is concerned. And it’s taking action that leads you to new opportunities.

Here’s what I’ve found working with clients on language choices; When they say they’ve tried something, they’ve normally given it a go once or twice. After that time if it hasn’t worked they give up.

This is one of the ways many people self sabotage.

Again, it’s important to swap the word “Try” for words that imply commitment. Phrases like “I’ll give it a good go” or “I will do this” will have a positive influence on your behaviour. And make sure you give yourself a date and time frame to commit to.

Self sabotaging patterns are always within your control

You can begin to take control of unhelpful and sometimes complex patterns of behaviour, by taking small steps. The technique of changing the terms and phrases you habitually use is a simple but powerful influencer.

It may not be perfected overnight because reprogramming takes time. But staying aware and changing the words when you hear yourself say them builds momentum. Over time you will notice positive changes in your behaviour which eventually will become automatic. Then before you know it you will be on your way to living your most desired dreams.

Self sabotaging behaviour patterns sometimes can be firmly embedded. At times like this working with a good coach can be invaluable in assisting you to change. If you would like to see how coaching can support you in living your dreams, you are welcome to book a complimentary initial connect call HERE